Martin Luther King Jr. Day

All right, why is Martin Luther King Jr. Day such a big deal?

1. It’s Our Holiday

How many holidays are dedicated to a pastor? We have got a couple for saints (Valentine and Patrick), but whatever Christian origin those holidays had they’re now drowned in romantic love and beer. In an age when marketers will use George Washington to sell anything, it is at least still considered tacky to offer MLK Day sales (though as Stephen Colbert pointed out in 2011, it’s happening).

“This holiday should be a big deal for churches,” our founder Brad Abare wrote about MLK Day, “Outside of Christmas and Easter, no other holiday represents the heart of God so much.”

Martin Luther King Jr. is our people. Churches should be embracing and celebrating this holiday like no other.

2. We Are Not Innocent

We tend to look back on the civil rights movement with rose colored glasses. It was a just cause and simply inevitable, right? Wrong. King went to jail. While sitting there, he wrote a letter and referenced the many Christians who stood silent:

“All too many others have been more cautious than courageous and have remained silent behind the anesthetizing security of stained-glass windows.”

While the church may be able to claim the greatest civil rights hero of the 20th century, we are also complicit in the injustice King stood against. For all the marches and lunch counter sit-ins, we forget that there were also “kneel-ins” targeting segregated churches. Yeah, the ‘bad guys’ weren’t just swinging batons and fire-bombing buses. Churches barred the doors and would not let people in.

Churches must own our broken past and work for a better future.

“This holiday should be a big deal for churches. Outside Christmas and Easter, no other holiday represents the heart of God so much.”

3. We Are Not Free at Last

We have not made it to the mountaintop yet. Electing (and reelecting) a black president is an incredible milestone, but it does not mean racial issues are behind us. See: Ferguson. People still argue about the details, but similar incidents—including Eric Garner and Tamir Rice—spark even more debate and protest.

If the headlines do not convince you, maybe the research will. We have come a long way in racial relations (say 74%), but 81% say we have a long way to go.

Your church should care about MLK Day because it is a ready-made opportunity to bring the gospel to this often-divisive issue. We are still short of King’s dream and we’ve got some work to do.

4. Speak Up for the Minority

“On the surface, most Americans agree that racial reconciliation matters,” says Ed Stetzer, executive director of LifeWay Research. “But we’re divided about how important this issue is. For many white Americans, progress on issues of race is a good thing but not urgent. For many African Americans, it’s front and center.”

Even if this issue is not pressing for you personally, it is an opportunity to speak up for the minority. That is something the Bible continually champions with calls to care for the “alien, the fatherless and the widow.”

I cannot say it enough: MLK Day is the church’s holiday.

How Can My Church Celebrate Martin Luther King Jr. Day?

OK, we get it. MLK Day is a holiday we should get behind. So, what can we do?

Lots. It is probably too late to plan your own event, but there is plenty you can do to take part in Martin Luther King Jr. Day and celebrate the legacy of this Baptist minister.

5. Not a Day Off

First and foremost, do not take the day off. Yes, it is a federal holiday. But it is also an opportunity to do good. Make it a day to volunteer. Look for local opportunities to serve and mobilize your church to take part.

6. Confront Racial Realities

A recent study showed there’s not much diversity among our friends. On average, for every 91 white friends a white person has, they have only one black friend. Blacks do better with 8 white friends for every 83 black friends. But a full 75% of white people have zero black friends.

Not an easy conversation is it? Kind of awkward.

But it is a conversation we need to have. Use MLK Day to address racial issues in your church, your families, your friends, and neighborhood.

(And let us be clear: A lack of diversity does not make anyone racist.  These stats are the simple reality that were segregated, hopefully unintentionally. Let us change that.)

About the Author

Kevin D. Hendricks

When Kevin isn’t busy as the editor of Church Marketing Sucks, he runs his own writing and editing company, Monkey Outta Nowhere. Kevin has been blogging since 1998 and has published several books, including 137 Books in One Year: How to Fall in Love With Reading, The Stephanies, and all the Center for Church Communication’s books.

Web: KevinDHendricks.com Twitter: @KevinHendricks

CELEBRATE EARTH DAY SUNDAY 2020

The Bible is full of beautiful language and theology for celebrating God’s creation. Yet sometimes, in the rhythm of the liturgical year, it can be challenging to find a specific time in the Spring to focus as a church community on the theme of God’s creation. Earth Day Sunday provides just such an opportunity. Since 1970, communities have taken one day each year to be especially mindful of the Earth and its many gifts: April 22, Earth Day. Soon after, churches started celebrating God’s creation on the Sunday closest to Earth Day. This day has ecumenical and bipartisan roots.

This year’s theme, “The Fierce Urgency of Now”, comes from a quote from Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr: “We are now faced with the fact that tomorrow is today. We are confronted with the fierce urgency of now. In this unfolding conundrum of life and history, there “is” such a thing as being too late. This is no time for apathy or complacency. This is a time for vigorous and positive action.”

OUR RESPONSE TO COVID-19

While the Health Officer of San Mateo County has put in place a shelter in place order until April 7 that may or may not be extended, depending on recommendations from public health officials, The St. James family will continue to gather weekly for worship, just in a different way.

Until the shelter in place order lifts, this will be our plan:

  1. Sunday Bible study @ 10 am via the conference line. Call in and put your
    phone on mute. Unmute when you have a comment, want to ask a question
    or get clarification.
  2. Sunday Worship @ 11 am via the conference line.For church service, call in,
    and mute your phone. You will be unmuted three times during the service as
    we strive to keep the service as authentically STJ as possible.
  3. The call in number is: 1-877-285-8520 (no access code needed).
  4. Bible study will continue, via conference call on Wednesday evenings at
    7:00pm.
  5. Tithes and offerings can be given electronically through our Givelify app or
    can be mailed to the church since it will continue as an essential service.
  6. All other ministry activity will be postponed until the order lifts.
  7. The church building is not only being cleaned but sanitized each week and
    this will continue for the foreseeable future.
  8. Check in with one another. Being out of our routine can be unsettling and
    isolating. A card of encouragement or a phone call may be a welcome
    distraction.

Please remember to pray for one another, for the permanent cessation of this
virus, for healing of all infected and affected by it, and that we will all, as citizens
of the world, be kinder and more compassionate towards one another as a result.

WOMEN’S HISTORY MONTH

During the month of March, we give a little extra attention to all of the amazing accomplishments of strong, determined women. Since 1987, the United States has formally recognized March as National Women’s History Month. Every woman has a story to tell and gifts to share with the world. So get ready, because this month is about honoring magnificent ladies, and we are ready to celebrate it to the fullest.

The National  2020 theme celebrates the women who have fought for woman’s right to vote in the United States. In recognition of the centennial of the 19th Amendment, we will honor women from the original suffrage movement as well as 20th and 21st century women who have continued the struggle (fighting against poll taxes, literacy tests, voter roll purges, and other more contemporary forms of voter suppression) to ensure voting rights for all.

LENT 2020

In Lent, we reflect on Christ’s ministry, death, and resurrection. We slow down, and examine our internal spiritual lives as well as the way we live out our Christian faith in the world. 

Our faith teaches us that humans were put on this earth with the responsibility to be stewards. We also know our individual as well as collective U.S. lifestyles have led to serious harm to God’s good creation. 

During this Lenten season we invite you to worship with us as we take time to learn, reflect, repent, ask God for forgiveness, and take concrete steps to change course.

10 LITTLE KNOWN BLACK HISTORY FACTS

Black History Month Vector Template Design

History is often reduced to a handful of memorable moments and events.  In Black history, those events often include courageous stories like those of The Underground Railroad and historic moments like the famous “I Have a Dream” speech by Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. But these are only a few of the significant and important events to know and remember.

In an effort to honor this expansive and growing history, Black History Month was established by way of a weekly celebration in February known as “Negro History Week” by historian Carter G. Woodson. But just as Black history is more than a month, so too are the numerous events and figures that are often overlooked during it. What follows is a list of some of those “lesser known” moments and facts in Black history.

 

Before there was Rosa Parks, there was Claudette Colvin.

Most people think of Rosa Parks as the first person to refuse to give up their seat on a bus in Montgomery, Alabama. There were actually several women who came before her; one of whom was Claudette Colvin.

It was March 2, 1955, when the fifteen-year-old schoolgirl refused to move to the back of the bus, nine months before Rosa Parks’ stand that launched the Montgomery bus boycott. Claudette had been studying Black leaders like Harriet Tubman in her segregated school, those conversations had led to discussions around the current day Jim Crow laws they were all experiencing. When the bus driver ordered Claudette to get up, she refused, “It felt like Sojourner Truth was on one side pushing me down, and Harriet Tubman was on the other side of me pushing me down. I couldn’t get up.”

Claudette Colvin’s stand didn’t stop there. Arrested and thrown in jail, she was one of four women who challenged the segregation law in court. If Browder v. Gayle became the court case that successfully overturned bus segregation laws in both Montgomery and Alabama, why has Claudette’s story been largely forgotten? At the time, the NAACP and other Black organizations felt Rosa Parks made a better icon for the movement than a teenager. As an adult with the right look, Rosa Parks was also the secretary of the NAACP, and was both well-known and respected – people would associate her with the middle class and that would attract support for the cause. But the struggle to end segregation was often fought by young people, more than half of which were women. 

Martin Luther King Jr. improvised the most iconic part of his “I Have a Dream Speech.”

On Wednesday, August 28, 1963, 250,000 Americans united at the Lincoln Memorial for the final speech of the March on Washington. As Martin Luther King Jr. stood at the podium, he eventually pushed his notes aside.

The night before the march, Dr. King began working on his speech with a small group of advisers in the lobby of the Willard Hotel. The original speech was more political and less historic, according to Clarence B. Jones, and it did not include any reference to dreams. After delivering the now famous line, “we are not satisfied, and we will not be satisfied until justice rolls down like waters and righteousness like a mighty stream,” Dr. King transformed his speech into a sermon.

Onstage near Dr. King, singer Mahalia Jackson reportedly kept saying, “Tell ‘em about the dream, Martin,” and while no one will know if he heard her, it could likely have been the inspiration he needed. Dr. King then continued, “Even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream….” And then the famous Baptist preacher preached on, adding repetition and outlining the specifics of his dream. And while this improvised speech given on that hot August day in 1963 was not considered a universal success immediately, it is now recognized as one of the greatest speeches in American history.

Inoculation was introduced to America by a slave.

Few details are known about the birth of Onesimus, but it is assumed he was born in Africa in the late seventeenth century before eventually landing in Boston. One of a thousand people of African descent living in the Massachusetts colony, Onesimus was a gift to the Puritan church minister Cotton Mather from his congregation in 1706.

Onesimus told Mather about the centuries old tradition of inoculation practiced in Africa. By extracting the material from an infected person and scratching it into the skin of an uninfected person, you could deliberately introduce smallpox to the healthy individual making them immune. Considered extremely dangerous at the time, Cotton Mather convinced Dr. Zabdiel Boylston to experiment with the procedure when a smallpox epidemic hit Boston in 1721 and over 240 people were inoculated. Opposed politically, religiously and medically in the United States and abroad, public reaction to the experiment put Mather and Boylston’s lives in danger despite records indicating that only 2% of patients requesting inoculation died compared to the 15% of people not inoculated who contracted smallpox.

Onesimus’ traditional African practice was used to inoculate American soldiers during the Revolutionary War and introduced the concept of inoculation to the United States. 

The earliest recorded protest against slavery was by the Quakers in 1688.

Quakers, also known as “The Society of Friends,” have a long history of abolition. But it was four Pennsylvania Friends from Germantown who wrote the initial protest in the 17th century. They saw the slave trade as a grave injustice against their fellow man and used the Golden Rule to argue against such inhumane treatment; regardless of skin color, “we should do unto others as we would have done onto ourselves.” In their protest they stated, “Pray, what thing in the world can be done worse towards us, then if men should robb or steal us away, & sell us for slaves to strange Countries, separating housband from their wife and children….”

Their protest against slavery and human trafficking was presented at a “Monthly Meeting at Dublin” in Philadelphia. The Dublin Monthly Meeting reviewed the protest but sent it to the Quarterly Meeting, feeling it to be too serious an issue for their own meeting to decide. The four Friends continued their efforts and presented at the Philadelphia Yearly Meeting, but it wasn’t until 88 years later that the Society of Friends officially denounced slavery.

Over the centuries, this rare document has been considered lost twice. Most recently it was rediscovered in 2005 and is now at Haverford College Special Collections.

Of the 12.5 million Africans shipped to the New World during the Transatlantic Slave Trade, fewer than 388,000 arrived in the United States.

In the late 15th century, the advancement of seafaring technologies created a new Atlantic that would change the world forever. As ships began connecting West Africa with Europe and the Americas, new fortunes were sought and native populations were decimated. With the native labor force dwindling and demand for plantation and mining labor growing, the transatlantic slave trade began.

The Transatlantic Slave Trade was underway from 1500-1866, shipping more than 12 million African slaves across the world. Of those slaves, only 10.7 million survived the dreaded Middle Passage. Over 400 years, the majority of slaves (4.9 million) found their way to Brazil where they suffered incredibly high mortality rates due to terrible working conditions. Brazil was also the last country to ban slavery in 1888.

By the time the United States became involved in the slave trade, it had been underway for two hundred years. The majority of its 388,000 slaves arrived between 1700 and 1866, representing a much smaller percentage than most Americans realize.

The diverse history of Historically Black Colleges and Universities.

While Jewish and African American communities have a tumultuous shared history when it comes to the pursuit of civil rights, there is a chapter that is often overlooked. In the 1930s when Jewish academics from Germany and Austria were dismissed from their teaching positions, many came to the United States looking for jobs. Due to the Depression, xenophobia and rising anti-Semitism, many found it difficult to find work, but more than 50 found positions at HBCUs in the segregated South.

Originally established to educate freed slaves to read and write, the first of the Historically Black Colleges and Universities was Cheyney University in Pennsylvania, established in 1837. By the time Jewish professors arrived, the number of HBCUs had grown to 78. At a time when both Jews and African Americans were persecuted, Jewish professors in the Black colleges found the environment comfortable and accepting, often creating special programs to provide opportunities to engage Blacks and whites in meaningful conversation, often for the first time.

In the years that followed, the interests of Jewish and African American communities increasingly diverged, but this once-shared experience of discrimination and interracial cooperation remains a key part of the Civil Rights Movement.

One in four cowboys was Black, despite the stories told in popular books and movies.

In fact, it’s believed that the real “Lone Ranger” was inspired by an African American man named Bass Reeves. Reeves had been born a slave but escaped West during the Civil War where he lived in what was then known as Indian Territory. He eventually became a Deputy U.S. Marshal, was a master of disguise, an expert marksman, had a Native American companion, and rode a silver horse. His story was not unique however.

In the 19th century, the Wild West drew enslaved Blacks with the hope of freedom and wages. When the Civil War ended, freedmen came West with the hope of a better life where the demand for skilled labor was high. These African Americans made up at least a quarter of the legendary cowboys who lived dangerous lives facing weather, rattlesnakes, and outlaws while they slept under the stars driving cattle herds to market.

While there was little formal segregation in frontier towns and a great deal of personal freedom, Black cowboys were often expected to do more of the work and the roughest jobs compared to their white counterparts. Loyalty did develop between the cowboys on a drive, but the Black cowboys were typically responsible for breaking the horses and being the first ones to cross flooded streams during cattle drives. In fact, it is believed that the term “cowboy” originated as a derogatory term used to describe Black “cowhands.” 

Esther Jones was the real Betty Boop

The iconic cartoon character Betty Boop was inspired by a Black jazz singer in Harlem. Introduced by cartoonist Max Fleischer in 1930, the caricature of the jazz age flapper was the first and most famous sex symbol in animation. Betty Boop is best known for her revealing dress, curvaceous figure, and signature vocals “Boop Oop A Doop!” While there has been controversy over the years, the inspiration has been traced back to Esther Jones who was known as “Baby Esther” and performed regularly in the Cotton Club during the 1920s.

Baby Esther’s trademark vocal style of using “boops” and other childlike scat sounds attracted the attention of actress Helen Kane during a performance in the late 1920s. After seeing Baby Esther, Helen Kane adopted her style and began using “boops” in her songs as well. Finding fame early on, Helen Kane often included this “baby style” into her music. When Betty Boop was introduced, Kane promptly sued Fleischer and Paramount Publix Corporation stating they were using her image and style. However video evidence came to light of Baby Esther performing in a nightclub and the courts ruled against Helen Kane stating she did not have exclusive rights to the “booping” style or image, and that the style, in fact, pre-dated her.

Baby Esther’s “baby style” did little to bring her mainstream fame and she died in relative obscurity but a piece of her lives on in the iconic character Betty Boop. 

The first licensed African American Female pilot was named Bessie Coleman.

Born in Atlanta, Texas in 1892, Bessie Coleman grew up in a world of harsh poverty, discrimination and segregation. She moved to Chicago at 23 to seek her fortune, but found little opportunity there as well. Wild tales of flying exploits from returning WWI soldiers first inspired her to explore aviation, but she faced a double stigma in that dream being both African American and a woman.

She set her sights on France in order to reach her dreams and began studying French. In 1920, Coleman crossed the ocean with all of her savings and the financial support of Robert Abbott, one of the first African American millionaires. Over the next seven months, she learned to fly and in June of 1921, the Fédération Aéronautique Internationale awarded her an international pilot’s license. Wildly celebrated upon her return to the United States, reporters turned out in droves to greet her.

Coleman performed at numerous airshows over the next five years, performing heart thrilling stunts, encouraging other African Americans to pursue flying, and refusing to perform where Blacks were not admitted. When she tragically died in a plane accident in 1926, famous writer and equal rights advocate Ida B. Wells presided over her funeral. An editorial in the “Dallas Express” stated, “There is reason to believe that the general public did not completely sense the size of her contribution to the achievements of the race as such.” 

Interracial marriage in the United Sates was banned in 1664 and not overturned until 1967.

During the seventeenth and early eighteenth century, the growing number of interracial marriages (also known as miscegenation) between Blacks and whites led to the passage of this new law. The first anti-miscegenation law enacted was in the colony of Maryland in 1664 and additional colonies quickly followed suit. These marriages were prohibited and penalties included the enslavement, exile or imprisonment of the white perpetrators. These laws grew and evolved over the years and attempts were even made to modify the Constitution to ban interracial marriage in all states.

It would take three hundred years for this law to be overturned. In 1967, Richard Loving, a white man, and Mildred Jeter, a Black woman, were married in the District of Columbia. When they returned home to Virginia, they were arrested and convicted of violating the state’s anti-miscegenation law. They each faced a year in jail and their case went to the Supreme Court. The Supreme Court found in favor of the Lovings in the famous trial Loving v. Virginia. They ruled that prohibiting interracial marriage on state and local levels was unconstitutional; this meant that marriages between the races were legal in the country for the first time since 1664.

In 2000, Alabama became the last state to officially legalize interracial marriage by removing the unenforceable ban that was still contained in their state constitution.

NATIONAL WEAR RED DAY-FRIDAY FEBRUARY 7TH

On the first Friday of every February, which is designated as American Heart Month, the nation comes together, igniting a wave of red from coast to coast. From landmarks to news anchors and neighborhoods to online communities; this annual groundswell unites millions of people for a common goal: the eradication of heart disease and stroke.

American Heart Month, a federally designated event, is an ideal time to remind Americans to focus on their hearts and encourage them to get their families, friends and communities involved.            

The first American Heart Month, which took place in February 1964, was proclaimed by President Lyndon B. Johnson via Proclamation 3566 on December 30, 1963.

The Congress, by joint resolution on that date, has requested the President to issue annually a proclamation designating February as American Heart Month.

While American Heart Month is a federally designated month in the United States, it’s important to realize that cardiovascular disease knows no borders.

WHY YOUR CHURCH SHOULD CARE ABOUT BLACK HISTORY MONTH

1. It’s Our Holiday

How many holidays are dedicated to a pastor? We’ve got a couple for saints (Valentine and Patrick), but whatever Christian origin those holidays had they’re now drowned in romantic love and beer. In an age when marketers will use George Washington to sell anything, it’s at least still considered tacky to offer MLK Day sales (though as Stephen Colbert pointed out in 2011, it’s happening).

“This holiday should be a big deal for churches,” our founder Brad Abare wrote about MLK Day, “Outside of Christmas and Easter, no other holiday represents the heart of God so much.”

Martin Luther King Jr. is our people. Churches should be embracing and celebrating this holiday like no other.

2. We’re Not Innocent

We tend to look back on the civil rights movement with rose colored glasses. It was a just cause and simply inevitable, right? Wrong. King went to jail. While sitting there, he wrote a letter and referenced the many Christians who stood silent:

“All too many others have been more cautious than courageous and have remained silent behind the anesthetizing security of stained-glass windows.”

While the church may be able to claim the greatest civil rights hero of the 20th century, we’re also complicit in the injustice King stood against. For all the marches and lunch counter sit-ins, we forget that there were also “kneel-ins” targeting segregated churches. Yeah, the ‘bad guys’ weren’t just swinging batons and fire-bombing buses. Churches barred the doors and wouldn’t let people in.

Churches must own our broken past and work for a better future.

“This holiday should be a big deal for churches. Outside Christmas and Easter, no other holiday represents the heart of God so much.”

3. We’re Not Free at Last

We haven’t made it to the mountaintop yet. Electing (and reelecting) a black president is an incredible milestone, but it doesn’t mean racial issues are behind us. See: Ferguson. People still argue about the details, but similar incidents—including Eric Garner and Tamir Rice—spark even more debate and protest.

If the headlines don’t convince you, maybe the research will. We have come along way in racial relations (say 74%), but 81% say we have a long way to go.

Your church should care about MLK Day because it’s a ready-made opportunity to bring the gospel to this often divisive issue. We’re still short of King’s dream and we’ve got some work to do.

4. Speak Up for the Minority

“On the surface, most Americans agree that racial reconciliation matters,” says Ed Stetzer, executive director of LifeWay Research. “But we’re divided about how important this issue is. For many white Americans, progress on issues of race is a good thing but not urgent. For many African-Americans, it’s front and center.”

Even if this issue isn’t pressing for you personally, it is an opportunity to speak up for the minority. That’s something the Bible continually champions with calls to care for the “alien, the fatherless and the widow.”

I can’t say it enough: MLK Day is the church’s holiday.

How Can My Church Celebrate Martin Luther King Jr. Day?

OK, we get it. MLK Day is a holiday we should get behind. So what can we do?

Lots. It’s probably too late to plan your own event, but there’s plenty you can do to take part in Martin Luther King Jr. Day and celebrate the legacy of this Baptist minister.

1. Not a Day Off

First and foremost, don’t take the day off. Yes, it’s a federal holiday. But it’s also an opportunity to do good. Make it a day to volunteer. Look for local opportunities to serve and mobilize your church to take part.

2. Post to Social Media: Free MLK Day Graphics

Share something on social media honoring King. There are plenty of inspiring quotes to choose from and ways to connect the dots between King’s life and the work of your church. Ask people to share their dreams. Ask about people’s memories of King. Ask people to confess their embarrassing stories of confusing Martin Luther and Martin Luther King Jr. (at some point we’ve all been there).

3. Confront Racial Realities

A recent study showed there’s not much diversity among our friends. On average, for every 91 white friends a white person has, they have only one black friend. Blacks do better with 8 white friends for every 83 black friends. But a full 75% of white people have zero black friends.

Not an easy conversation is it? Kind of awkward.

But it’s a conversation we need to have. Use MLK Day to address racial issues in your church, your families, your friends and neighborhood.

(And let’s be clear: A lack of diversity does not make anyone racist.  These stats are the simple reality that we’re segregated, hopefully unintentionally. Let’s change that.)

About the author

Kevin D. Hendricks

When Kevin isn’t busy as the editor of Church Marketing Sucks, he runs his own writing isn’t writing and editing company, Monkey Outta Nowhere. Kevin has been blogging since 1998 and has published several books, including 137 Books in One Year: How to Fall in Love With Reading, The Stephanies, and all the Center for Church Communication’s books.

Web: KevinDHendricks.com Twitter: @KevinHendricks

DEALING WITH DEATH DURING THE HOLIDAYS

Researchers reveal that one of the biggest challenges for families is losing a loved one. Whether the loss is recent or it occurred a decade ago, this time of year often highlights absences and brings intense feelings of grief, loneliness and emptiness. You may even feel guilty if you find yourself having a good time.

Innocent gestures may also spur feelings of sorrow. For instance, receiving a holiday card addressed to your late loved one from a well-meaning friend who doesn’t know the circumstances may cause your grief to resurface. On the other hand, it can also be stressful when family and friends purposely don’t mention your loved one’s name to avoid upsetting you.

These feelings are all normal, but to help you get through these tough times, talk about how you would like to handle the situation with someone you trust. That person can then communicate your wishes to others. If you want to do something to honor your loved one, there are different ways you can pay tribute. Choose whatever feels right. Consider the following ideas:

  • Place the person’s picture in a place of prominence at home.
  • Light a memorial candle.
  • Make a photo album of previous holidays together to focus on positive memories.
  • Set aside a time so that everyone who wants to can share a memory or a funny story about the deceased.
  • Toast to your loved one.
  • Go to church or synagogue.
  • Volunteer to help those in need.

Remember that not everyone grieves in the same way. There is no accepted norm. You may cry at the drop of a hat, while someone else is more stoic. Some people may grieve for weeks, and others mourn for years. Understand that the holidays won’t be the same as they used to be, but recognize that the “new normal” can be fulfilling in other ways.